Sometimes, it’s not what we need to learn next — it’s what we need to unlearn next.
Lately, almost everything God puts in front of me either directly challenges or outright contradicts something I thought I already knew.
So, I’m not learning. I’m unlearning.
Learning is an endless mountain climb where we fix our eyes firmly (and only) on a peak someone else has already summited. We fight to exhale while methodically gaining elevation, one arduous step at a time.
Unlearning feels rebellious and raw, leaving us breathless in a different way. We’re suddenly children again, bumping and rolling down a grassy, giant mound with reckless abandon and no predetermined destination.
Too often, I choose the tedious comfort of the uphill ascent over the exhilarating tumble. For decades, I learned like an anxious knitter who only pulled out her needles to follow someone else’s pattern, mindlessly adding full rows of tight, meticulous, even stitches.
Now I know that unlearning is intentionally yanking on errant threads, forcing the sweater to unravel completely, certain you’ll use the yarn again to create an entirely new garment altogether — this time of your own design.
There’s magic in the unraveling.
The unraveling is where we find the strength to leave behind our inherent aversion to saying no and setting boundaries. It’s where we replace, ever so slowly, our own negative internal dialogues, and finally set aside the misguided belief that our dreams have an expiration date. It’s when we discover that we were not created to be all things to all people, and grant ourselves permission to step back from relationships that require us to be.
The unraveling challenges us to redefine everything we know about grace, and forgiveness, and closure, and healing. It releases us from self-imposed limitations and incessant consultations with fear before making our final decisions. It’s where we finally see with clarity how little we actually control, slowly unclenching our cramped, white-knuckled fists to watch what happens when we simply allow life to unfurl with hands, arms, minds, and hearts completely wide open.
Most importantly, the unraveling frees us from a lifetime of shoulds, have-to’s, and supposed-to’s, delivering us fully back to ourselves, a better, more authentic version of who we were always meant to be.
Today’s Soft Never
Today, I’m Soft Nevering that we can never unlearn the false lessons, concepts, and beliefs we have been handed and willingly carried with us for so long. Here’s leaning into, and wholeheartedly celebrating, the blessings that accompany the unraveling.
What’s your favorite Soft Never about unlearning? Tell us about it in the comments below or connect with us here to share the details.
