“Closure isn’t always a conversation. Sometimes, closure is simply the choice to protect your peace and move forward on your terms.”
Quarantine allowed me and my excessively busy brain to stumble into a surprising, but much needed, two-part life lesson:
I do not need anyone else’s permission for closure.
And (more importantly), I do not need anyone else’s participation for closure.
Earlier this year, my friend and I sat outside sipping coffee and catching up after not seeing each other for several months. We realized we were both in a season of seeking closure from an important relationship in our lives that had ended abruptly. She shared that she really needed a conversation with this person to attain closure and move on. I responded, “Lately, I’m learning that closure isn’t always a conversation. Sometimes, closure is simply the choice to protect your peace and move forward on your terms.”
I didn’t really think about it before I said it, but as soon as I did, I realized just how much I actually meant it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a firm believer in clearing the air, talking things through, and moving forward from a stronger, healthier place — even if we’re ultimately moving forward separately and in different directions. However, for years, I equated the pursuit of closure, and more specifically, that all-important “closure conversation” with the essential act of moving forward in my healing. Years.
I finally recognized that continuously chasing closure with an uninterested participant offers little more than an emotional holding pattern. I confused the frenzied, relentless movement with actual momentum, completely unaware I had exerted every last ounce of energy as I frantically marched in place.
It’s natural and healthy to want to smooth out our emotional loose ends, especially in this season where grief, hurt, and unspoken truths can burn with a deeper intensity. We can suddenly feel this heightened urgency to tie up our frayed relationships with ribbons and bows, the ultimate example of a neatly wrapped holiday package.
But, sometimes, closure is far less chase and far more choice — and the biggest gift we can give ourselves is the conscious decision to protect our peace and move forward on our terms.
Today’s Soft Never
Let’s Soft Never the assumption that we can never move on from our broken relationships without a conversation. Let’s remind ourselves that we don’t have to wait for anyone else’s permission or participation to begin our healing.
How do you find closure when having a conversation isn’t an option? Maybe you find that it’s not that you need permission or participation — but rather, you personally don’t need closure at all to move forward? Tell us about it in the comments below.
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